15-person weddings: what can I do?
I know, I know… this week’s news has been yet another setback in the binfire that is trying to plan/have a wedding in 2020. The year has been so tough for couples and suppliers alike, and it has caused unending stress and panic for so many people. However, I wanted to give you some options for what you can do. After all, you are getting married because you have met The One. It’s an act of faith and love, and it is ultimately about the two of you.
While we tend to expect weddings of 100 or more guests, these big weddings aren’t the norm for everyone. Stylist & Planner Valentina of The Stars Inside primarily works with couples looking for a more intimate affair, and there are numerous reasons for wanting to go down this route:
“For many couples, a large wedding doesn’t truly embody what their relationship is like – it may not reflect their journey, their passions, their current priorities in life, or perhaps their spirit of independence and adventure. For some, there are budget, family, or geographical reasons that have lead them to stepping away from the tradition of large weddings. For other couples, it's the current COVID pandemic that has lead them to opt for a more intimate ceremony, either for just the two of them, or perhaps joined by just a few of their closest loved ones. Many of the couples I work with limit their guest list so their wedding experience can be more present, more mindful, and more heartfelt - as well as simpler and lighter too.”
Photograph: Kirsty Mackenzie
Of course, it is wonderful to be able to shout it from the rooftops and share it with everyone you have ever met, but 2020 is not about shouting anything (too many germs if you shout, you see). So let us instead focus on how you can have a wonderful time with a (much) smaller guestlist. London Documentary Wedding Photographer, Ami Robertson has shot a couple of micro weddings now, and found them to be even more emotional than the larger events:
“The good news is that I am here to tell you that micro weddings are pretty bloody special. Having done two now where there were only 10 of us and both days were amazing and so historical. They were more emotional and special because of my couples’ drive to still go ahead and make it special to them with those they love. With everything from readings in Hyde Park to epic couple photos around the city we absolutely made the most of the situation and I realised that love is 100% not cancelled. “
Photograph: Ami Robertson
First things first, I imagine that when you sent out your invites you hadn’t envisaged this. 130 down to 15 is not an easy task, so in all honesty the most tactful thing you can do is un-invite everyone. Hear me out. It is significantly easier to say the wedding (as we know it) is cancelled than to try and figure out who has earned a place at your special day. People will genuinely understand if you say to them that you have decided to cancel the wedding and elope just with your immediate family present (or indeed, no one at all). It is 2020. It is the only time you can easily (and acceptably) do this! Laura Devine from Devine Bride has a tactful and practical solution to how to reduce your guest list:
“I think the easiest way is to tell everyone you have cancelled your original wedding and are thinking of eloping but will be keeping it very intimate. It’s easier to scrap everyone than re-invite a few people. Please remember that it is YOUR wedding day and you must do what you want!”
What next? Now that you have reduced the guestlist, how do you make it feel super-special? Remember, just because it is small, it doesn’t make it any less important. It may not be the party you had in mind, but it is your wedding. Your union. The symbolic exchange of vows. It’s an important event to document, even if it’s not the party you originally imagined. So, if you had a photographer booked, check if they do a small weddings or elopement package. Even if you don’t want a full day’s coverage, you WILL want some photos. Trust me on this one. And they are important photos, so please don’t leave it to your photography enthusiast uncle to take some snaps. Your suppliers don’t count towards the 15-headcount, so make sure you have some beautiful photographs to mark the occasion.
Photograph: Kirsty Mackenzie
Hampshire Wedding Photographer Kirsty Mackenzie Photography has photographed several intimate weddings this year and has some fantastic advice:
“Small weddings are a different kind of magical. This year has been so hard for so many, seeing love prevail and happy moments and memories truly is a thing of beauty. You have your closest family and friends around you, which means you have so much more intimacy with your guests. You have time to properly speak to your guests rather than trying to get a minute to speak to 100+ people. As you're having a smaller wedding you may also want to treat yourself to something you might not have been able to justify before. Want that big bouquet, or those shoes that you dreamed about? Go for it!”
Small is also beautiful. Valentina of The Stars Inside specialises in elopements and micro weddings and knows a thing or two about making a more intimate occasion feel really special:
“There are many wonderful advantages to smaller weddings, for those couples who want to tell their story in this way. It will be a day much more focused the couple and their love for each other, which means being more free to make decisions in an intentional way. What you invest in is entirely up to you! With the money saved, you can then treat yourself and your guests to a much more personal and tailored experience - maybe with a bespoke menu, or that photographer whose work you adore, or that incredible designer dress you've always dreamed of. When it comes to marrying the love of your life, you make the rules, and you can place your values at the very core of every decision and detail.”
Photograph: Sophia Veres
A more intimate wedding is also the opportunity to indulge in some of the things you might not have been able to entertain previously: how about an intimate dinner for 10 at Sketch? Now’s your chance! Embrace the smaller numbers and celebrate in a way you might not have been able to previously. Buy that second dress or rock that jumpsuit you adored but wasn’t quite right for the big party. Celebrate properly with food and drink and laughter. Humanist Celebrant, Nat Raybould has some great thoughts on why small can be wonderful:
"Intimate weddings are wonderful for many reasons! They can give couples the chance to involve all of their guests in the ceremony, which is so much more exciting and touching than being merely a spectator. Also, if you are of a more shy disposition, you can feel more comfortable opening your heart on your wedding day with fewer guests (the pandemic may be the ideal reason to give to second cousin Sue as to why she and her 5 children cannot come!). It is also worth considering that fewer guests means you can afford to splurge a little more: a mini wedding can mean maxi luxury!"
Photograph: Ami Robertson
So remember, while the next six months may not permit us the celebrations we had originally planned, the rules don’t mean we can’t celebrate. Your love is not cancelled, so even if it means holding off having a bigger celebration until some time in 2021 or 2022, you should absolutely cement and celebrate your love for each other. And god knows, we will need a massive party when we are allowed to hug freely again! So don’t be disheartened: celebrate intimately and in style now; save the bash for later. After all, two weddings is twice the fun.
Photograph: Alexa Loy
I’ll leave the last words to Valentina who summed it up so perfectly:
“The single most important thing to say is this: you are allowed to do whatever is right for you, and, even more importantly, there is absolutely no reason a small wedding should feel any less special, momentous, or exciting. Just because you’re eloping, doesn’t mean you can’t have wedding “stuff” – like gorgeous florals, a scrumptious mini cake, a hair and make-up artist to make you feel fabulous, custom vow books, a Michelin star dinner, and champagne to pop after you’ve said your I-dos – splurge on the good stuff and the details that truly matter to you. Find YOUR perfect balance of adventure and luxury, and YOUR definitions of both those things. Let go of expectations, pressures, and preconceptions, and enjoy every moment of having done what’s right for you, for all the right reasons.”
Photograph: Sophia Veres