How to (politely) say “no children at our wedding”
Planning to have a child-free wedding? Wording the invitation can be tricky but completely doable.
Make sure that whatever you write is worded properly: choosing whether to have children at weddings is still something of a controversial topic. However, whatever your reasoning might be, not having children at your big day is still a valid choice. After all, your wedding means your rules!
However, choosing your words carefully here is essential: letting guests know the adult-only policy from the get-go is the best way to approach the situation and it allows parents time to consider their options and book their childcare in advance.
I’ve put together a little guide to make it easier for you: listed below are a set of ways that you can use to let your guests know that your weddings will be child-free. Various situations have also been covered, including just inviting close family children, or having certain parts of the day where children are invited.
Guidelines
The rule applies to every guest, the only exception being immediate family children. Make sure that other guests know that these are the only children that will be present at the wedding. Do not let anyone guilt trip you about the adult-only wedding.
Be prepared for some parents to decline: do not be disheartened if some parents cannot attend. It can be inconvenient for some parents to be away from their children. Also bear in mind that parents who do attend may not be able to stay the whole time.
Destination weddings might be more difficult to be child-free, as it will be more difficult for parents to travel abroad without their children, plus arranging childcare in another country might not be something they wish to do.
Consider offering a creche/babysitter. This is not necessary but is a nice gesture where budget permits.
And if the children are a little older and you know them personally, it might be a nice idea to give them their own personal apology note with the invitations.
How to address
Your venue does not allow children:
We are very sorry, Due to venue restrictions we cannot accommodate children.
Our venue does not accommodate under 18s, so we are unable to invite children to the wedding.
Only certain children will be coming:
Due to guest number restrictions, we are only able to extend the invite to the children of close family/or our wedding party.
We are only able to accommodate the children of our wedding party.
You’re keeping it simple:
We are very sorry, but we are keeping our special day as an adult-only occasion.
We will not be able to invite children to our wedding, we hope that you will still be able to attend.
Children will be allowed in some parts":
Children are welcome to the reception however there will only be wedding party children at the ceremony.
Following the ceremony, please join us for our adult-only reception.
Children are welcome to attend the ceremony and early reception, after __ onwards it will be an adult only event. (Extra, if applicable - we will be organising a creche, please contact us for more details)
You’re keeping costs down:
As much as we would like for the children to attend, our budget only accommodates adult guests.
We love your children, however due to budget restrictions we can only invite children aged 18 and older to our wedding
Babies are allowed:
Please be aware that this is an adult-only wedding (exception for children under 12 months)
For Guests Who Ask for an Exception
If a guest explains that it’s not an option to leave the children behind, it’s important to be firm but compassionate in your approach:
"In this particular instance, you would not be able to bring little Ada as we are requesting for this to be an adult-only occasion. We’d love to have you there, but we are not going to have children.'"
For Guests Who Ask to Switch Invitees
Sometimes, in situations where two or more guests are invited but one of them can't attend, the other asks if they can bring their child instead since it wouldn't make a difference to the numbers. Remember to be firm here as this isn’t about the guest count, more the type of event you are hosting:
"We’re hosting an event that’s very adult-driven and so we would have to ask you to make other arrangements for your children/child."
Things you should avoid saying:
‘We thought you would like the night off.’
‘In order to ensure our guests have a good time, our wedding will be an adult-only affair.’
Essentially, avoid anything that may imply that the children are unwelcome. And while many parents will jump at the opportunity of a child-free evening, the decision needs to come from them: implying that parents would rather have the night off from their children can feel patronising.
Following these suggestions and guidelines mean that you will feel confident that you will be able to have an adult-only wedding while being considerate to those that are parents. I also recommend that you let any parents know as soon as possible. If you follow the guidelines above, your words will be chosen with consideration and will be sensitive to those with children.